November is already upon us, meaning that I have recently surpassed eight whole months of Korean residency. It has seemed in turn both an eternity and the blink of one's eye, with ample anecdotes and evidence in support. The period has begun where I must actively consider my post-March 1, 2013 life, and if I tell you that a decision has been definitively made, please dismiss me with prejudice. Of late my mind seems to change by the day, by the hour when I'm feeling particularly nebbish or despondent or lucid or willful. It may not be a coincidence that one of the songs I have taught my first-graders this year has been "Should I Stay or Should I Go," and yes I am aware of how pedantic that association is.
Maybe the decision isn't as heavy as I'm making it out to be. Coming back to the States certainly would not be a problem in any sense - I miss my family (most especially my sister) and friends and sharing in the types of experiences that true relationships are built on, or at least being in a time zone approximate enough to make a phone call at a civilized hour for all parties involved without planning way ahead and doing lots of math (that's an oversell, sorry). I miss being a part of my home culture and being able to find the kinds of things that I'd prefer to consume or participate in. I miss being able to have more than a few beers without getting sick. I miss being able to read the ingredients on groceries, and the ability to buy produce that hasn't been sprayed and treated with unholy chemicals in unholy amounts. Probably not unrelated, the leading causes of death in Korea as briefly outlined in a Korea Herald infographic are cancer, "cerebrovascular diseases," and "heart problems" (together accounting for half of all deaths!), yet Koreans get downright prickly at the suggestion that their diets (copious amounts of booze, processed foods, and additive-riddled meat and produce) or lifestyles (midweek blackout drunkenness, heavy smoking) might be to blame. Sounds familiar, right? I at least miss being able to go out of my way to avoid eating bad food; here, one must go very extremely out of the way and be prepared to drop ridiculous sums of money for imported foods that may only be marginally better. I sometimes wonder if I have messed with my life expectancy by moving here, but then, the nebbish-ness.
I miss my people and my culture, and understanding what is being said in the streets, and having the option to change the station to something I can tolerate. But I have no illusions of a return home being the cure-all, or of returning to a society that I prefer in every measurable way. I truly value the efficiency and affordability of transportation here, the relative inexpensiveness of most forms of entertainment, and the near-universal cheapness of large quantities of food (even if it usually is, as stated above, not the best quality). Above all else I value Korea's proximity to the rest of Asia, and that one of the largest and nicest and easiest-to-use airports in the world - with its abundance of affordable direct flights to many of the capitals of the East - is my local airport. It is going to take me the same amount of time to fly to Ho Chi Minh City as it would to fly directly from Austin to San Francisco. Osaka and Tokyo are ninety short minutes across the East Sea. Manila, Taipei, Hong Kong, and Bangkok are simple and painless as long as you can avoid a Chinese layover. As someone who had never left North America until February, the opportunity to fill my passport with the seals of foreign customs agencies is a scintillating one. One calendar year and what will be two trips abroad have not whet my appetite.
Is this reason enough to postpone my reunion with those I love? I am attempting to hold myself to a personal resolution to seize all opportunities as they arise and cease making excuses for why I "shouldn't" or "can't" or "could never." With legal Korean residency status obtained, Asia is within reach. When will be the next time I am able to travel if I move home and am immediately trucked by "obligations" and "responsibilities?" What does "planning for my future" really mean? What is it to "be happy?"
I'm still figuring this out. Stay tuned.
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